Thursday, September 10 2009

Today marks the one year anniversary since our precious baby boy earned his angel wings and went to Heaven. I know that he is smiling down on us today and each and everyday.  I laid on Brendons bed this morning and it brought me back to exactly a year ago in the morning where I held him in my arms lifeless. The funeral home gave me lots of time but then had to come in and carry him away. How gentle she was as I passed Brendon to her. She wrapped him in a white sheet like a blanket you swaddle a baby with. God was guiding her every move that morning and we followed her to the van and waved Goodbye to Brendon for the last time sobbing the entire time. I will never forgot any of the memories with my son and I am so honored that I was able to share him with so many people and that he had the same effect on you all as well.

Brendon...thank you for giving me the best 5 years of my life and thank you for teaching me the true meaning of it. You were my strength then and now. I miss you terribly and love you beyond words! Sending hugs, kisses, laughter and tears up to heaven today! "Gone from this place, but forever in our hearts".

We love you- Your best girl, daddy, Mia, Fur Fur and Coop Scootin Boogie 


 
Reflecting back a year ago, this is what I blogged the day Brendon passed:
 
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 5:20 PM, CDT

It is with a heavy heart and a tired mind that I have to tell you that Brendon Scott Coates, earned his angel wings and passed from this world into heaven this morning at 0609.

He went peacefully...I was sleeping next to him and was woken at around 0500 by Tony who told me that his heart rate was very slow. I held my baby and just stared at his face, counted every single eyelash, rubbed every inch of his beautiful body and watched him as the breaths got smaller and smaller and the heartbeat faded and faded and his color simply fell from his body, and then eventually he just slipped away. He didn't take any last big breath, he wasn't gasping, he wasn't in any kind of pain whatsoever...it was as if while I was holding him, God wrapped his arms around both of us and just transfered Brendon from my arms into his. His heart just stopped beating silently. He looked as though he had a smile on his face, that cute innocent Brendon grin he so many times had even when times where rough. It was his way of saying, "it will be okay Mom, you're gonna be okay". I could almost hear his sweet little voice saying that to me as he left.

We had all been waiting and wondering what Brendon was holding onto, was there significance to his leaving this earth, was it a certain day or was there someone that hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. I don't know if it holds true, but he did have a phone call last night, from his grandma from afar, where she wanted to sing a song to him once more...just one more time.  And isn't it a little strange I think that Brendon chose the 10th day of the month when he was born on the 10th day of December? Or was it because his great grandfather which he never met, birthday is today and he knew he could go up there arriving in heaven singing Happy Birthday to him? What I do know is that I was reminded this morning as Brendon passed away, of when he was born. He was due on Thanksgiving of 2002 but he was nowhere near ready to come. I went to Temple, TX to King's Daughter Hospital, not once, not twice, but three times to be induced...Brendon finally came on the third time on December 10th 2002. And as quietly as he left me this morning, he was just as quiet coming into this world...I asked the nurses "what's wrong why isn't he crying?", after about a minute he did cry and it was music to my heart. I didn't even know the complications I was having at the time and didn't understand why all the doctor's and nurses came rushing to me, all I could feel was love, the greatest love and happiness in this world!

It's ironic, last night I was reading for the first time, even though my aunt sent it to me months ago, "Angel Unaware", from Dale Evan Rogers, wife of Roy Rogers, and the story of their baby Robin who was born with Down Syndrome and died at the age of two. How ironic for me as I read the first page and related to the angel Robin (it is written from the babies eye's) and she said "Two years up here doesn't seem like much, but on earth it can be a long time-and it was long and often hard for all of us". I thought of what Brendon and our family and friends have been through for the last two years, the long hard journey that Brendon endured. She goes on to say "I knew why I was sick, and because I was sick I could do things for them. I never knew when you sent me on that earthly mission what it would be like, or how much we could do in two short years. We did a lot". I was taken for a minute...wow, in just two years, look at what Brendon did for all of us, look at the relationships, the friendships and the impact that he made on so many people. At the end of the book she says "They're a lot stronger since they got your message, there's a new glory inside of them and all around them and they've made up their minds to give it to everybody they meet." Again, how amazing that I could relate so much to this book...Brendon has made so many people, myself greatly included, grow stronger in their faith, see the grace of God through this and remind us all why we are here and what our purpose is. The last line of the book reads...."And now, Father, please...could I just go out and try my wings?" I can just hear Brendon asking God that...can't you?

There is still much to be done for Brendon on his behalf, and I promised to him that I will never stop fighting, I will never give up. It has left me with a great importance and purpose. It is what Brendon would have wanted and it is how Brendon was/is. He knew just by his strength, just by his smile or just by saying "hey" to a stranger that would be one more person that would learn of childhood brain cancer, learn of his love of life, learn of God and learn of our purpose...and he has tasked me to do the same. And I will.

~ Brendon's mother and biggest fan,

Alison Coates Clement